The Persistence of Existence

I’m sure countless novels have a nameless protagonist. I’ve only read one, but its intimacy is the crux of the intrigue in “You Exist Too Much” by Zaina Arafat.

By intimacy, I’m not talking about the protagonist’s steamy escapades or ability to flirt her way into anyone’s bed. No, no. This book is more profound. It revolves around the protagonist’s relentless pursuit of a meaningful connection, a desire that exposes her vulnerability and daily life. This first-person narration takes readers on a poignant journey with a young Palestinian American woman who battles her demons in search of belonging. That she remains nameless throughout the novel only elevates the need for anonymity.

What makes this protagonist stand out is not just her bisexuality, although it’s a relevant theme throughout, but also her complex background and upbringing. She’s a Palestinian woman who grew up in the United States, carrying the weight of her ancestors’ voices and the lingering echoes of her past experiences. Her struggle to navigate the complexity of her identity while seeking solace in the arms of countless lovers resonates deeply.

The story unfolds in a rehabilitation center, where our nameless friend seeks help for her love addiction. It becomes clear that her fractured relationship with her mother plays a central role in her quest for validation and affection. Our main character must address this underlying issue to avoid repeating the cycle of seeking comfort with strangers.

“You Exist Too Much” offers a tantalizing glimpse into the emotional turmoil and longing for connection that defines the protagonist’s existence. Arafat’s masterful storytelling and beautiful writing style pull readers into a world where fitting in seems impossible, and the search for purpose becomes intertwined with love and addiction. The journey forces the protagonist to confront her past, sense of self, and bad choices to find where she belongs.